My blog has taken on a bit of a theme in the first couple of weeks.  Last week the question I asked was, What inspires you? and this week it is, What drives you?  For a long time the two questions represented the same answer or maybe the questions melded together.  But failure has had a way of making me think about the questions separately.  In my earlier years, money was a big motivator for me and it had become more prevalent than my inspiration.  I found that it had caused my focus to be scattered and because I didn’t have a definite action plan my goal was never realized.  In truth money was never my drive it was a result that I wanted.  Over the past year and a half I was given some time to think about the questions separately and try to come up with two separate answers. Google says that the psychological definition of drive is, “an innate biologically determined urge to attain a goal or satisfy a need”.  That was the problem.  I never set definable goals and never set a strategy to attain those goals.  I also allowed myself to be more influenced by doubters and nay sayers over those that were encouraging.  I don’t think I am alone.

We have to ask ourselves what our goals are: money, authority, recognition etc. Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar said, “Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.”  I have found many differing opinions on motivation and drive and how they often crossed over into inspiration.  It is a confusing question.  I think it is confusing because it is a question that requires us to be introspective, and that is uncomfortable and seems to be constantly evolving, and isn’t a question that can be easily answered by generic posters and quotes.

My wife and I talked about this subject because it had me so perplexed and I needed another perspective.  The discussion got quite involved and we kept going around and around bouncing from inspiration to goal setting to desire.  I had read other websites and blogs and though they claim to explain drive, they really can’t.   I have discovered that what drives most people is ultimately fear.  Why is it, if you have two people with the same goal one of them succeeds and the other one fails?  Why do we fail at something at one point in our lives and succeed at another point?  An example I will give you is this.  I am not a morning person … not even a little bit.  When you are given cereal bowls that say “good morning grumpy” I think it is safe to say that people have noticed.  Yet when I was given the prospect by WorkSafeBC to take a 50% pay cut to work in a CSR job, fear took over.  I was forced to find the drive to submit an 80 page document to support my choice of retraining, I was forced to find the drive to fight with WorkSafeBC to write an appeal, I now have the drive to get up at 4am to get to school before the rush hour happens because with my injury the fear of being knocked around on the bus and the train plus the fear of having a job that is not fulfilling has me bouncing out of bed before the cock can doodle doo.  This behaviour was never my modus operandi.

So it appears that I don’t really know what drives me after all, is fear really the force that is pushing me?  Though this post, I am sure, is very confusing to you, it has been oddly cathartic for me.  But I still need to give myself a timeout to continue pondering what drives me.

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